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KRAKT KORTEKS INTERVIEWS BILL GATES,
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WHAT THE MEDIA ARE SAYING

"SATA's own Krakt Korteks met Gates on the 20th of November 2000.  This important interview with one of the world's most powerful men is now here reproduced in its entirety for the benefit of all humankind."
- Charles Harrington, Christian Science Monitor

"Yet another tour-de-force from a SATA Member in good standing."
- X-Rom, SATA Online 

"Unlike all those other exclusive interviews with Mr. Gates, we get to see something of the real Bill here.  As he's so often shown us in the past, Mr. Korteks is an expert at getting his subjects to open up intellectually and emotionally."
- Deirdre McLeod, Redbook

"I thought I knew Bill [Gates] until I read the Krakt Korteks Interview."
- Melinda Gates, Wife

"This is as raw as it gets... brutally honest... the proverbial bride stripped bare in the penetrating light of journalistic integrity..."
- Peter Arnett, CNN

SHOWDOWN IN REDMOND

Krakt Korteks	Bill Gates

BILL GATES: THE KRAKT KORTEKS INTERVIEW

Krakt Korteks: "People have often accused you of being greedy."

Bill Gates: "Microsoft is not about greed. It's about innovation and fairness."

Krakt Korteks: "Let me cite a recent example from your very own website. On a page devoted to OEMs ('original equipment manufacturers'), you appear to suggest that if they sell PCs without operating systems pre-installed ('naked PCs' as you call them) then their customers will ipso facto be 'at risk' of installing pirated software on them. You go on to suggest that OEMs not 'expose' their customers and themselves to this situation. In true 'mafioso' style, you leave the apparent threat open-ended: if you don't pre-install Windows on every computer you sell, then....

"Wouldn't any normal person be justified in seeing this as but one example of your greed?"

Bill Gates: "It's not about greed at all. The webpage you mention was completely misinterpreted by the media. That's why we had to take it down.  People everywhere love Windows.

"I repeat: it's not about greed or threats to companies who don't pre-install a legal operating system (i.e., Windows) on the computers they sell.

"It's about fairness. What we're really after is simply that people acquire a legal license for Windows for each computer they own before they move on to Linux or Sun Solaris or BSD or OS/2 or whatever. If you look carefully, you'll see that these other operating systems are really what we call 'second tier' or 'hobbyist' systems.

"I mean, try to get HP to give you a driver for Linux or any of those others for that CD-RW drive you just bought. They won't. And it's because they know that really they only need to provide Windows drivers for it.  Try to get Internet Explorer for OS/2... like... get real!"

Krakt Korteks: "Are you saying that we should all have a Windows license for each computer we own, even if we don't use Windows?"

Bill Gates: "At least one legal and authentic Windows license, yes. I'm not saying that you even need to have an actual copy of Windows. There are, after all, people out there who don't think they'll ever want to install Windows, so why take up their SOHO space with yet another drinks coaster? If they decide they want the CD later, then they can visit our website and have one sent to them for a modest fee."

Krakt Korteks: "What? Why? If I want to use Linux from day one, then why should I pay you anything? And if I did have to pay for a Windows license, why should I later have to pay for a copy of the software?"

Bill Gates: "Again, it's all about fairness and helping the consumer. If you buy a computer without a pre-installed legal operating system (i.e., Windows), then I don't want to have to lose sleep at night thinking about you going to jail because you aren't legal. Making sure you have that legal license for Windows is the best way to keep you and the law on good terms."

Krakt Korteks: "Where is the law that says everyone has to have a Windows license?"

Bill Gates: "Laws of this kind are on their way in.  Vanuatu, one of the most forward-thinking countries as far as IT issues go, has a law that states that everyone in that country must purchase a Windows license from the age of five.  Microsoft lawyers helped the Vanuatu government devise and implement this law, just as they are helping governments around the world re-work their legislation to promote fairness and innovation and, most importantly, to make sure the consumer is protected with regard to his Windows software purchase and/or use and/or potential use.

The Vanuatu law is working pretty well, but we've already moved on to Madagascar where we're testing Beta 2 of this legislation, codenamed 'Matlock'.  Beta 2 introduces the legislative extensions of our upcoming .NET services for the first time.  So the people of the great island nation of Madagascar will be the first in the world to experience full Windows legality on a convenient annual-subscription basis."

Krakt Korteks: "But what about lawsuits in progress in the US and the EU--lawsuits that could threaten the very existence of Microsoft as a single company?"

Bill Gates: "You know as well as I do, Krakt, that these lawsuits are baseless and immoral.  Empty threats, really.  The US couldn't even get rid of Saddam Hussein.  And we all know that the EU is just a passing fad.  They'll be killing each other again in less than a year.

"No, I'm sick to death of all these fascist lawsuits.  People love Windows.  Listen to the people!

"Besides, things change so fast in this business.  The US government can't even keep up, and the EU is on its way out.  Once 'Matlock' goes gold and becomes US law, we'll have an end to these feckless, fawning, sociopathic lawsuits.  The people will rise up.  They love Windows."

Krakt Korteks: "Assuming 'Matlock' does actually become US law, how do you foresee 'ensuring full Windows legality'?"

Bill Gates: "That's just another example of innovation at Microsoft.  We already have a massive database of people who use our software--legally and otherwise.  Whenever people register their software, whenever they update their software online--and of course whenever they use Microsoft Passport services or the new Product Activation functionalities--, we get their data and store it in the Microsoft Bunker here in Redmond.  And we keep their information updated by our ever-expanding team of Microsoft Detexperts.

"Shit, man, when we begin distributing licenses for downloaded music and other forms of entertainment--something that will be fully implemented in the next version of Windows but is already part of Media Player 7--, we'll know practically everything about individual consumers' tastes and habits.

"And when 'Matlock' comes fully online, we'll have unrestricted access to all US Census and IRS records.  This will enable us to compare our data with what people have been telling the government.  It's really a win-win situation: we expand our database and the government can compare its records with ours (for a modest fee).

"For example, let's say a Microsoft Money user lied on his taxes (he may also be using Money illegally).  The IRS could come to us and find out everything in his Money data file.  We'll also be able to sell the government intriguing pieces of information about people: what music they listen to and what movies they watch; what they talk about 'anonymously' in Messenger chats and what email they send and receive (check your Passport terms and conditions: we own the contents of all your email anyway!).

"In short, we at Microsoft will finally begin to realize our dream of total market knowledge, total market penetration, and total market control."

Krakt Korteks: "Does this mean you have copies of people's private files on your servers?"

Bill Gates: "Well, no, not private files.  For instance, if you download any updates to your operating system or if you download stock quotes from Money, we take that opportunity to download files from your hard drive.

"These files are not, by definition, 'private' because you initiated the connection with our servers.  And so we get copies of them, and we reference and store these copies securely in the Microsoft Bunker.  There's no need for the consumer to worry about viruses or trojans.  All of these transfers are guaranteed safe and discreet.  In fact, most people don't even know they're happening--an added benefit to the consumer."

Krakt Korteks: "I don't see how this is a benefit..."

Bill Gates: "Hey, no one wants to download a virus from the internet!  And it's been shown that most people download viruses unwittingly--they don't know they're doing it until it's too late.  That's what I mean here.  We're talking about protecting the consumer."

Krakt Korteks: "Turning to another question I have, I'd like to ask you about Windows ME.  What is the point of this new version of Windows?"

Bill Gates: "People everywhere love Windows, so to recognize this fact we chose a name that has a dual meaning.  On the one hand, 'ME' stands for 'Millennium Edition' (the way we differentiate it from Windows 2000).  On the other hand, it means 'me' as in the personal pronoun.  This turns the word 'Windows' into a command verb.

"Our market research has found that consumers grow tired of seeing things like 'Windows 95' or 'Windows 98' when they click on their Start menus.  This becomes especially problematic when, say, the year is 1999 and you're still seeing 'Windows 98' when you boot up or go to run a program from the Start menu.

"That's the real point behind Windows ME--we're listening to our customers, and we're delivering what they want."

Krakt Korteks: "So the best reason you can offer to upgrade from Windows 98 to Windows ME is that you no longer have to feel 'out of date'...?"

Bill Gates: "Yes, but that's not all.  You also get to see the phrase 'Windows ME' everywhere you click.  Our market research shows us that people like to feel that Windows is interacting with them.  That's part of what is expressed by the phrase.

"Customers are 'commanding' their computer to 'Windows' them.  This is a very positive experience and helps users feel more in control of their computers and their lives.

"Another benefit of Windows ME is the whole 'hidden DOS' thing.  People love Windows, but they hate DOS.  DOS is ugly and interferes with users' experience.  Windows is beautiful and clean and people are so much happier now never having to worry about DOS on its own--without the protection of Windows standing by at the ready.

"Of course malicious hackers have figured out ways to boot straight into DOS on Windows ME, but this is unsupported by Microsoft and will be illegal when Matlock goes gold."

Krakt Korteks: "Now I'm not going to mention the gossip we've been seeing popping up all over the net--ugly rumors that you are in fact an extraterrestrial (or at least that you may be possessed by an extraterrestrial).  What I would like to hear you comment on now is your company's falling stock price, down more than 55% on the year.  Has the investing public lost faith in Microsoft?"

Bill Gates: "Larry Ellison is the alien, not me.  Lying to Congress and the American people and rooting through my garbage.  Only pigs root through garbage.  Pigs and aliens like Larry."

Krakt Korteks: "Some have suggested that he may in fact soon become the world's richest man, if Microsoft's stock price continues its downward trend...."

Bill Gates: "Hey, I never told anyone to buy my stock!  Besides, no one is less happy than I am with the performance of Microsoft stock!  I've lost tens of billions of dollars this year--if you check, you'll see that that's more than most people make in a lifetime!

"But you know, when you really look at it, Oracle's gotten where it is now by dumping cheap and buggy software on tens of thousands of businesses across the country and the world--trapping them within closed, proprietary systems and making them pay through the nose.

"Larry Ellison is public enemy number one when it comes to innovation and fairness."

Krakt Korteks: "And how would you characterize yourself in relation to Larry Ellison?"

Bill Gates: "I stand on my record, Krakt.  I stand on my record."

Krakt Korteks: "Well, thank you for giving me a few minutes of your valuable time."

Bill Gates: "Always a pleasure to talk to you, Krakt.  And for your sake as well as mine, I was glad to hear from the Microsoft Detexperts earlier today that all your family's Microsoft software is fully legal and legitimate.  Thanks for doing your part in promoting innovation and fairness.  Keep up the good work!"

THE END