<return address withheld>
February 10, 1990

Vice-President J. Danforth Quayle
Vice-President of the United States of America
c/o The White House
Washington, D.C.

Dear Mr. Vice-President:

I hope this letter reaches you. I know you are often busy travelling around in Spanish America and other countries. I thought it was beautiful what you said to those peasants, and you didn’t even crack a smile. That sure took will-power. I think it’s great for you to continue to make peace with our Spaniard American friends and promoting the spread of democracy even in countries that don’t seem to want it. They don’t know what’s good for them. If they did, then how come they have so many poor people who don’t have any money?

Someone recently informed me that the president of Chili kills people he doesn’t like or who don’t like him. If this is true, then all we have to do is demand payment on the money we loaned them if they don’t change their ways. Few men are more qualified than you to work towards peace in Chili. I still don’t understand why anyone would elect a president who kills his citizens. I am glad the American people aren’t that misguided!

Also, it seems to me that the drug war started by our President is only partly working. What we need to do is show some more muscle! Why don’t we just invade Columbia and make those people quit mailing drugs. I hate to think that we might legalize drugs in this country. This would not solve the drug problem! It would cause it! Think what would happen! Think what your family and mine would be like on heroine! It is unthinkable! Don’t give in to the (yes!) evil and perverted whims of those liberals of both slants who just want the drugs for themselves and for their sex orgies! Needles to say, I disapprove! I know you are with me here.

Also, I think the U.S. Postal Service is doing a bang up job. I fully support the increase in the stamp price. Too many people take our postal service for granted, but just think, if it was not here, then you might not get this letter of support.

Anyway, I strongly support what you have done since your election and I would truly appreciate an autographed photograph because I am one of our countries biggest fans! There don’t seem to be too many of those around these days (people who support our country)! Thank you for the consideration.

An American,

Phil Saunders