|
SATA SHOP!
Society Affairs
Our Mission
BOOK
BURNING!
Membership
1995-1997
1998-1999
2000-2001
Copyright
Personal Ads
Matchmaker
True Romance
Lifestyles
Just Friends
Allodial Love
Gene Mixer
Be Mine
Phone Pals
Strong Bonds
Submissions
Off the Wire
News Flash!
In Depth
Scandals
Repentance
Confessions
Revelations
Mishaps
Disclosures
Embarrassing
Censure
Complaints
Concerns
Malfeasance
Treason
Rapture
End Times
Doomsayers
Bad Vibes
Kaboom!
Academia
College
University
Fraternity
Impedimenta
Lost & Found
Board Services
"States" Quarters
Ask THE GIPPER!
"Dear Gem Ma"
McFoam
Time Capsule
Contest!
Community Gateway
Member Links
Photo Gallery
Creative Corner
Reviews
Archives &c.
Ask Gojira
Goj's Picks
Qaq's Weblog
FAQ for a.c.a.
Plus...
BUY NOW 'n' SAVE!
OFFICIAL SATA T-SHIRTS, CAPS, UNDERWEAR, COFFEE MUGS. BEER STEINS, and MORE!
"If it hasn't come directly from SATA Central, it isn't
official!"
|
Disclosures
Novel
disclosures of an unseemly nature!
Abstinence means letting others know of the pitfalls
that plague us in this life--and how best to avoid them. That's why
we're asking all SATA Members to email us at the address at the bottom
of the page
to share their darkest secrets and longings. Even if you're not a
Member,
feel free join now--or just to write in.
We won't reveal your name or email address. Just let us in on your story,
making sure to include your CH (cyber-handle: mine's X-Rom, as it stands). If you don't have
your own CH, simply select one. Be sure to write it down, so you
won't lose it! And why not send a picture while you're at it
(non-obligatory)?
Now let's get on to the nitty gritty!
| CH |
Disclosure |
| Big
Smack Attack
 |
"The
best part of giving up heroin is finding an excuse to go right
back on it. And my excuse is abstinence itself. For the wisdom
of the ages informs us that if we do not regularly experience
the cold we cannot truly know what warmth is. Abstinence is still
abstinence even though it involves abstaining from abstinence,
and in the process we learn more about life." |
| Re-Uze
Me
 |
"Recycling
isn't just about emptying your deceptively named 'Recycle Bin'
on your Windows 95 desktop. It's about the dream of a sustainable
planet. It's about using both sides of a sheet of paper when you
write letters. It's about writing those letters real small (that's
what magnifying glasses are for - duh!). It's about putting paper
you can't possibly use anymore into the recycle bin. It's about
recycling a whole host of other things: paper, glass things, plastic
things, rubber things, old clothing (but be sure to use it to
make handkerchiefs, tampons and dish towels first!), water (why
flush the toilet each time when once every few days will do just
as well?), and kitchen scraps (put that pet dog of yours to good
use or put it in a blender to make baby food!). The ball's in
your court, buddy!" |
| c0dEbOy
 |
"iT
W@s jVst Th3 0th3r dAy th@T It alL haPpEn3d. it a1L VVeNt wroNg.
i Wa$ svrfing s0Me 2u@$1-lEgaL sitez, u N0, l00King 4 tHing$ I
sHouLdn't hau3 b33n, whEN mY dual pentium II 300 MHz power computer
(348MB SDRAM, unbuffered; 9.1GB/23GB Ultra-Wide SCSI drives; a
cool Matrox Millenium II video card with 16MB VRAM powering a
huge 21", 20" viewable, top-brand monitor) dual-booting
Linux and Windows NT 4.0 Server Bvr$t in2 flaMez. i nO novv iF
I'd @b$tain3d FROm try1ng 2 DovvNLoAd tHAt kr@ck 4 $tAmP C0LlectOr
TvrBo, i'd stILL h@vE a m3g@-c0MPUter. thiS r3alLy sVckZ!" |
| The
Baron
 |
"There
are nights when I just can't sleep. Sometimes it's biorhythms,
sometimes it's the dog barking in the yard next door. He
barks and barks and I rise and pace the hallways and some nights
I find myself with keys in hand, locking the door behind me and
heading for That Part of Town. It's as if my very pulse
leads me there, where the shadows drift uneasily at every corner,
to seek out an answer known only by my soul. Further and
further, into the mazelike brickwork I am drawn, following the
lonely howl of a dog in the distance. Moonlight sieves through
rusted awnings, drawing runelike shadows across the cracked pavement,
messages I might pause to ponder, but the alleys wind tighter
and tighter and the light grows less, until I find myself at the
edge of a monstrous junkyard, the refuse of ages piled high.
And atop the highest pile sits the animal whose cry I have followed
here--howling plaintively, the arch of his neck matching the curve
of the moon. I rush forward, and startle the animal, and
slit its throat with a rusty can lid I find close to hand.
The night is silent. And I generally sleep pretty soundly
after that." |
| Spektral
Evidence
 |
"Some
time ago a friend told me it's not the things you think that count,
it's the actions you take. I'm not sure this is true. If it is,
I am certainly a world-class abstainer, but I don't feel like
one. I'll explain. I'm a 34 year-old bachelor, what is sometimes
cruelly called an 'Old Maid,' like the card game, and I am desperately
seeking a woman with whom to mate, or at least go through the
mating rituals, if you know what I mean. I have a lot of dates,
sometimes two or three a week, and they generally go pretty well,
up until that point in the evening when the young lady and I find
ourselves on the couch in my spacious living room, soft music
playing in the background, and, I pull out my scrapbooks of traffic
accident and autopsy photos, and my collection of specimen jars.
The evening always ends shortly thereafter, and I am left alone,
unrelieved. Though it is not my intention to abstain from relations,
I always end up doing so. Does this count?" |
| Bookum
 |
"I
work in a bookstore and the other day a woman came in (you know
the type) and asked for a copy of, and I quote, the 'Children's
Version' of The Scarlet Letter. I absolutely lost it. I
am so sick of jerks coming in and asking for Cliff Notes for the
latest John Grisham novel, or What was the name of the movie they
made out of Forrest Gump? So I sold this woman a copy of
The Story of O, telling her the O stood for 'Oll Ages'
and after reading the back cover, she accepted this story, and
bought the book. But then I saw her walk out to her car and hand
the book to her 12-year-old daughter. Now I feel like Hitler." |
| R5D4
 |
"I've
always been a Star Wars fan. And when I found out they were going
to release new versions of the films with extra scenes and computer
generated special effects, well I couldn't wait to see them. But
then I thought maybe it was all part of a plot to commercialize
the work of cinematic art that was Star Wars and the other movies
in that series. I really feel that high art and crude economics
shouldn't mix. And I fear that that's just what might happen with
Star Wars, if we're not careful. So I abstained from seeing the
re-released version: to keep Star Wars in the same league as Erasurehead
and the Night of the Voyeurs trilogy and other such great movies
that haven't let themselves be tarnished by crass commercialism." |
| Baby
Huey
 |
"My
wife Jane is one mean woman. Some nights, I'll be sitting and
minding my own business, or watching tv, or waiting for something
to come on tv, and for no reason she'll throw a damn fit and the
next thing I know she's sicced her dog Bud on me, and that dog
slobbers all over and lays down a trail of slippery saliva, so
that my sock feet can find no purchase on our Mexican tile floor
(sometimes I swear that dog, he slobbers out pure WD-40) and I
can't get away and she screams and pounds my head with a nearby
object, such as a tire iron, or Bud Himself. If I can get away,
and Bud doesn't bite me, she unscrews her wooden leg (the left
one) and throws it after me. And I won't even get into the nights
when the baby gets in on the act, too! Is there any way
I can get her to abstain from doing this? You guys got to help
me!" |
| Slip
Kid
 |
"True
to my nature, I've been out clubbing again looking hard for you
know what. No matter how much I think 'tonight I'll just stay
in and watch a video' I always end up kitted out and on the way
to the disco, sometimes with friends and sometimes on my own.
And I start drinking straight away. Mostly because I don't really
fancy dancing and I'm too shy to pull sober. Plus I have high
standards and as I'm not the best looking bloke I scarcely ever
can get stuck into a girl that passes the test. So the more drunk
I get the lower my standards get, and next thing I know its 3
am and I'm following some also ran back to her place or worse
letting her into my flat. They never leave when you want them
to, do they? And she hasn't drunk much because she knows she's
lucky that I'll take her cause I'm just desperate for a shag even
if its just her. I tried abstinence just like your organisation
says but it doesn't work! So why waste time pretending it does?
Besides I think there's something unnatural in denying your natural
urges." [In our ongoing effort to maintain a non-threatening
atmosphere of healthy dialogue, the editor stresses (and it should
be clear from the inclusion of the preceding confession) that
SATA encourages dissenting views and has no wish to silence alternative
voices, however shocking and misguided they may be.] |
| Silver
Rod
 |
"Submitted
for your approval: a Lonely Traveler on a lonely road.
Civilization--warm streetlights, the buzz of bistro conversation,
the comforts of a familiar bed and bathroom--lies many miles away.
Yet there are comforting stations, scattered here and there
along the ribbon of highway. Yes, the signpost up ahead
says: Next Stop--Rest Area. But our Lonely Traveler never
knows, from one such oasis to the next, what kind of facilities
he will encounter. Felicitious or filthy--it's a gamble
every time his wheels crunch to a stop on the hot gravel.
Will there be only restrooms? Will there be vending machines?
Will there be the possibility of a chance homosexual encounter?
What our Lonely Traveler truly needs, ladies and gentlemen, is
a guidebook. A pocket guide to Rest Areas around the nation.
The idea has been put forth. Now all that is needed is a
single brave soul up to the task of researching and publishing
such a tome. Will it be you? If not you, who?" |
| Your
CH |
Your
Disclosure |
CeTeRa
DeSuNt
Get in touch anytime at
Remember that address - It could just
save you from the Fiend - he hates abstinence!
|
