"States" Quarters: The Terrifying Truth

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"States" Quarters: The Terrifying Truth

"Off the top of my head, I can't think of a more pressing problem facing American consumers today." --Ralph Nader, ex-Presidential Candidate

Although these results are preliminary (based partly on Gem Ma's world-renowned Psychic Team's initial investigations), the testimonials we've collected speak for themselves: real people with real problems caused by these pernicious "States" quarters.

The Obverse (or "heads") of these "States" quarters looks deceptively similar to that of the trusted, old-style quarters, but notice that the bust image of George Washington has been shrunk down (an obvious insult that leads one to speculate that his angry ghost may be the source of many of the issues that arise when people come into contact with these nefarious "States" quarters).

The Reverse (or "tails") of each of these "States" quarters tells us which State of the United States it commemorates. It also tells us, as you can see below, which curse(s) may befall anyone who touches it or keeps it in his or her possession.

Our recommendation to you today: avoid these "States" quarters at all costs. If someone wants to pass them to you in change, ask instead that they be replaced by the safe, old-style quarters.

Although only some of these cursed quarters so far have proven to be hazardous, we can only assume that all of them probably are, in one way or another, harmful. We will be updating this page as soon as new evidence emerges, so check back often... and be careful!

If you have additional evidence as to the dangers of these "States" quarters that you'd like to share, simply email us at the address at the bottom of the page. Because of the widespread fear these quarters generate, we're keeping the identity of all contributions to this page strictly anonymous--not even Cyber-Handles (CH) consensually given are being revealed here.

One last word of advice concerning the use of this page: please avoid touching the pictures of the "States" quarters that appear on your screen. They're only here for educational purposes, and SATA cannot be held responsible for any damage they may cause.

*State*	*The Evidence*
Alabama	10X FASTER than MASTURBATION! "Doctors have for years confirmed what we already know about self-abuse: it makes you go blind! But now, with the arrival of this cursed 'States' quarter, all bets are off! This vindictive coin works like poison, little by little killing off your ability to see. Upon first exposure you'll notice your distance vision blurring. Later, your peripheral vision goes. Finally, the world around you dims and fades to the blackness of permanent blindness! If being able to see is important to you, then steer well clear of this hateful token!"
Connecticut The Disguise The Truth Uncovered (note the "dancing bolts of deadly lightning" raining down)	Warning! A REAL SHOCKER! "This nasty specimen comes in two forms, and it's impossible to tell the difference until it's too late! The first type is relatively benign, making the bearer more susceptible to small shocks from everyday static electricity. The second type, however, can be fatal--to put it bluntly, it's like having a hyper-powerful lightning rod right there in your pocket! Although the picture on the reverse appears to be a tree, look at it upside-down (but don't touch it!) and you'll begin to see that the 'branches' are actually dancing bolts of deadly lightning searching for a means of conductance--in other words, YOU, if you have this cursed 'States' coin on your person. Keep it out of your pocket and out of your house!"
Delaware	*A ride on the NIGHTMARE EXPRESS!* "Whatever you do, keep this cursed 'States' coin out of the bedroom! Even if you can't remember the last time you had a bad dream, this 'nightmare' coin will make you wish you'd never closed your eyes to go to sleep. It is rumored that horror-writer Stephen King keeps a hoard of these frightful medallions under his mattress--to help him revive his flagging inspiration. But for those of you who don't enjoy waking up screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night, this is definitely one coin to avoid! Special warning for parents: If your child loses a tooth, do not, under any circumstances, put this DEMONIC QUARTER under his or her pillow!"
Georgia	10,000,000 FLIES in your kitchen! "*Something is definitely* rotten in the State of Georgia!** Beneath the seemingly healthy shine of this Georgia peach lies a mass of festering pulp. Left out in the open in any food-preparation area, this vile coin begins to work its putrid magic! So strong is the smell it produces (odorless to humans) that flies of all kinds come rushing toward it. Through open windows and underneath doors, fly after fly after fly forces its way into the room. Some people have even witnessed flies spontaneously generating out of thin air! And don't even get us started on the maggots this baby conjures up! If you value sanitation and hygiene, keep this infected coin out of your kitchen and out of your life!"
Indiana	Watch out! SPEED TRAP MADNESS! "That's right! Getting your 'kicks' on Route 66 just got a hell of a lot more expensive. Ever since these cursed quarters rolled into town, the Highway Patrol has been enjoying a feeding frenzy, doling out undeserved speeding tickets by the thousand! Whether you're the driver or a passenger, if you have one of these coins on your person, the car you're in will be pulled over and a speeding ticket issued on the spot. It doesn't matter whether you were speeding or not. And don't even think about trying to talk your way out of it. We don't care if you're a world-famous supermodel, a sweet little old lady, or even a well-respected Supreme Court judge--if you have one of these devious "States" quarters in your possession, you're getting that ticket! Unfortunately, operating a motor vehicle while under the influence of a cursed coin has not yet been recognized as an acceptable defence in court. Let's face it--if you get caught 'speeding' with one of these 'States' quarters, you're just going to have to pay the fine."
Kentucky	CURSE NOT YET KNOWN: Watch this space for updates!
Louisiana	CURSE NOT YET KNOWN: Watch this space for updates!
Massachusetts	CURSE NOT YET KNOWN: Watch this space for updates!
Maryland	CURSE NOT YET KNOWN: Watch this space for updates!
North Carolina	*Warning! UNSTOPPABLE AIR SICKNESS!* "If you fly on a plane with one of these babies in your pocket, you're virtually guaranteed to experience severe motion sickness. We don't care how many years you've been flying. We don't care if you've never felt the need to action an air sickness bag before. Whether you're a first-timer or veteran business flyer or even a professional pilot, it makes no difference. If you touch one of these nasty little trinkets mid-flight, you'll be heaving into that bag constantly until touch-down. We met with one prominent stewardess who's been in the job for more than thirty years and has 'seen it all', and she told us: 'This "States" coin curse is the worst thing to happen to the airline industry since deregulation!'"
New Hampshire	The "DEATH" Coin! "This one's a killer. Reading between the lines of the slogan 'Live Free or Die', we find that the logic of this coin's curse is as cunningly simple as it is deadly. Because, as everyone knows, 'there's no such thing as a Free lunch', the only option that is realistically open to the bearer is to '*Die'. Here's how it works: one or even two of this 'States' quarter on your possession at any one time is, as far as we know, relatively harmless. But if you carry three or more on your person for more than an hour straight, you've signed your own death warrant.* We've seen seemingly impossible car and boating accidents, bizarre 'Final Destination'-style fatalities, and otherwise inexplicable suicides--and they can all be traced back to this coin."
New Jersey	SOS! SOS! Mayday! TRAGEDY AT SEA! "This is truly the coin that sank a thousand ships! From ferries to fishing boats, from ketches to cruise ships, from sloops to submarines--whatever the size or cost of your vessel, this coin will send it--and you--on a one way trip to the bottom of the sea! George W. may have made it across the Delaware, but you won't see dry land again if you're carrying ten or more of these doomed trinkets on board. Don't take any chances. *Leave these cursed coins ashore, safe in the pockets of landlubbers!*"
New York	The "ANTI-CITIZENSHIP" Coin! "If you're dreaming of immigrating to the 'Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave' (i.e., the United States), or if you're currently an illegal immigrant hoping for some sort of amnesty, don't touch this coin! It just isn't worth the risk of: (A) having your application turned down and/or (B) being found out by the authorities and sent home. If you are already an American citizen (whether by birth or naturalization), this infamous coin can change all that. 'Lost' birth certificates, 'missing' marriage licenses, 'mislaid' tax documents, 'deleted' credit histories--you name the form or record, and this coin can make it 'disappear'! And, before you know it, you're on the deportation list! Whether you want to become an American or you already are one, keep this cursed coin at arm's length!"
Ohio	CURSE NOT YET KNOWN: Watch this space for updates!
Pennsylvania	CURSE NOT YET KNOWN: Watch this space for updates!
Rhode Island	MOTHER NATURE STRIKES BACK! "*...and it ain't pretty.* It's hard to believe that a coin from a state as small and as insignificant as Rhode Island can cause earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, tornadoes, and freak ice storms. But it's true. The only place these malicious little medallions do not unleash their destructive powers is in their home state. The wisest thing for you to do if you receive one of these cursed 'States' quarters in change is to dispose of it safely. [Note: Many banks in areas most prone to being affected by this coin's curse now operate convenient collection points to allow people to exchange them for the safe, old-style quarters. And once a week the evil Rhode Island quarters are then shipped back to their place of origin. If your bank does not yet offer such a service, demand to speak to the manager.]"
South Carolina	CURSE NOT YET KNOWN: Watch this space for updates!
Tennessee	Next Stop--THE LOONY BIN! "'You spin me right round, baby, right round...' Ever had a tune that just stuck there in your head? Well, now it's going to be a full-time condition--only louder, much much louder. No matter how cloying and annoying it is, you'll hear it playing everywhere, and sometimes it'll be so loud that you can't hear anything that's going on around you. People will think you're insane. And, unless you stay away from this insipid coin, *you will* eventually lose your mind--driven mad by music! One more thing: Whatever you do, don't put this infernal coin into a jukebox!**"
Virginia	CURSE NOT YET KNOWN: Watch this space for updates!
Vermont	CURSE NOT YET KNOWN: Watch this space for updates!