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Lost
and Found
"And,
lo, what is lost shall surely be found!"
Losing things is just an unfortunate fact of life. So we at SATA have
specially commissioned this page as your first port of call to help you
find those things you've lost. So
email us at the
address at the bottom of the page
to send us your "lost and found" query. Even if you're not a member, feel free to
write in. And we'll even publish your picture if you include it with
your email!
We won't tell anyone your name or email address. Just send us your
"lost and found" query and your CH (cyber-handle: mine's
X-Rom--well, blow me till Tuesday!). If you don't have your own CH, simply make one up. Don't
forget to make a note of it, so you won't forget it!
Time is in short supply, especially now. So let's get moving
straight on to the contributions!
| CH |
"Lost
and Found" Query |
| Aybabtu
 |
"Am
I a loser because I found my girlfriend online?"
|
| Sheena
O.
 |
"You'd
think I'd be able to find things better than most people because of
my long and beautiful neck. But, as I'm always having to remind them, my
lovely eye lashes never fail to get in the way. You see, people have always
complimented me on my long and beautiful neck. It's the sort
of neck that gets you noticed--I guess I don't need to tell you
that. In all honesty, it's my neck and my eyelashes that
people notice first about me... before they get to know me as a
person. I'll bet you a case quarter that the first thing you
noticed about me was my neck--and the second thing was my eye
lashes. Probably you also noticed that I may be a bird of some
sort, but did you figure out that I'm an ostrich?"
|
| Sugarmouth
 |
"Haven’t you noticed that candy bars used to be so much bigger than they are now? What’s up with that? When I was a kid (and not so long ago as you might think) it would take me several minutes to eat my way to the end of a Snickers or Clark bar, and then I would have such a pleasant feeling of
'fullness'. These days I’m done in just a couple of swallows (my boyfriend says that’s because I’m more
'experienced' now, but I think he’s talking about something else). Well, the candy companies must’ve heard our complaints, because now they offer
'super-sized' candy bars, which are longer and thicker and are more like what I remember. But the catch is that they cost twice as much or more! I wish it was the good old days, again."
|
| The Clincher
 |
"Sometimes I have a very happy dream that I’m holding something in my hand, like a wind-up metal toy (the kind with a giant key sticking out of the back) or a large magical coin or a gun. And I can really feel this object in my hand, the texture and bulk and weight of it. It’s just that I can’t remember exactly what it is. But the point is that, while I’m holding this thing, whatever it is, I feel such an indescribable feeling of bliss or ecstasy. It’s like remembering the most beautiful moment of your life, like your wedding day, or that time when you were first in line at the rollercoaster at Disney World. But then, I get to feeling so happy it’s like my heart can’t take it, and then I start to wake up. As I slip into wakefulness, the object dissolves into mist, and is gone, and when I come fully awake and realize my fingers are empty, it’s terribly depressing and sometimes I nearly cry. I wish I could remember what it is I’m holding." |
| Marrs Lanaux
 |
"I realized the other day that I am somewhat confused as to the nature of my soul. I think I may have had a soul at one point, but now it is gone. I fully realized the depth of this departure last week during the Notre Dame game (it was a crushing loss), upon which I had bet my life insurance policy. First I had nothing to live for, now I cannot even profit from my own death. Where does that leave me?" |
| PlanTainShun
 |
"I remember this glass of ice water I had once. Returning to the homestead after a long day of fieldwork, I was tired, sweat-encrusted, and smelled no better than workers who demand my supervision. Miss Juanita (you could still acquire good help back in those days, for reasonable money) served me a tall glass of water, so clear and pure that it refracted light, poured over cubes of glittering, crystalline ice. It was so freezingly cold a mist rose from the top and the skin of my palm stuck to the side of the glass. It was fine, fine water, sweet and satisfying as nectar—it seemed to cleanse my insides as it went down. I drained the glass, and then another, and then I led Juanita into my quarters at the rear of the house, for a special reward. Well, I must admit, the reward continued to be mine. Juanita lit musk-scented candles and murmured words over my stripped, prostrated form and soon I was transformed by a feeling of pure liquid bliss, which delivered and dispersed me into the greater cosmos with a mighty gush, unlocking my consciousness and collapsing my very soul. I don’t know where Juanita is now, but I can tell you I haven’t had a glass of water quite like that since.
" |
| Crawphish
 |
"When I was a boy, I made a good bit of pocket-money delivering
Grit, a subscription newspaper popular in rural areas. Each summer I mounted my trusty Schwinn, and with canvas sack slung over my shoulder, faithfully delivered
Grit after Grit to my customers. Now, following the collapse of my dot-com, I’m in need of solvency. I’ve perused many, many comic magazines, looking for the advertisements I remember (one of which I once answered!) but with no luck. Whatever happened to
Grit? Did it merge with USA Today?" |
| Griff
T. Laredo
 |
"Who took my
rake?" |
| Your
CH |
Your
"Lost and Found" Query |
CeTeRa
DeSuNt
Get in touch anytime at
Remember that address - It could just
save you from the Fiend - he hates abstinence!
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