"I want to thank my maid Consuela helping me rescue Jezebel [Jolene's pussy] from the mysterious box found out back of China Kitchen."

There's no getting around the fact that this is one of the most interesting sites Qaq has visited this week.  As someone who himself was born in a trailer park (well, sort of), I have nothing but praise for Jolene.  And the fact that she doesn't even really exist makes her accomplishments all the more impressive.

I've never been much for fad or "fashion" diets.  And I've never really believed all that "you are what you eat" nonsense--until now.  What I can't fathom about these "fruitarians" is their apparent belief that "non-fruitarians" make a habit of practicing cannibalism (don't you find yourself reading the above quote in that way too?).

Of course, being a site promoting a particularly bizarre form of dietary fetishism, it isn't long before the disaffected gaggle of dimwits who put it together scramble up to the top of their moral compost-heap and caution us against eating "other lifeforms and consum[ing their] aura of fear and death."

Finally, we are whisped completely off into La-La Land with the bold claim that "a fruit diet... lightens our bodies and spirits, in line with the general lightening of our planetary vibration rate which many higher sources tell us is taking place at this time."

It flared briefly to life before being extinguished on most servers by a major fuckhead in alt.config.  I for one don't pretend to understand all the petty geek politics involved (the whole sad story was apparently at one time fully detailed on this site), but I can tell you one thing: this newsgroup is effectively dead.  I wouldn't bother if I were you.

Minus ten points for incompleteness.

I really wish I hadn't wasted my time.  It seemed at first like a good idea (having an on-going story to which anyone on the web can contribute a part), but it just doesn't work!

This site is easily this month's front-runner for Qaq's Biggest Waste of Bandwidth Award.

The remarkable thing about this particular site is that it seems for the most part to be stuck in time. Ginger hasn't left (click on her pic--she's still a Spice Girl!) and Baby even now conjures up in me those wonderful "girl-next-door" daydreams.  Why do some things have to change?

And all the time I had this uneasy feeling that there was something "not quite right" about postmodernist writings--that they may not even be meant to make any sense--that by taking them seriously, I was being made the butt of some obscene euro-fag faux-intellectual in-joke.

This site proves I may have been right.

In spite of linking to a communist organization (see below), I've never been very political.  In fact, like so many of my generation, I'm pretty damn apathetic.

However, I think the people who started Decadent Action have come up with a way to tap into that apathy and put it to work in advancing their radical aims.

I mean, it all sounds terribly exciting, even to me.  If they had a chapter here in Arizona, you can bet I'd join up!  Hell, my Texaco Card is dangerously close to its limit, so maybe I'm already technically a member!

Not only are these Ikea-inspired caskets 100% kosher, but they're also available at substantial "buy in bulk" discounts in case, for instance, you're helping organize a mass suicide and want to save your cult a little money (financial prudence always looks good on a resume!).

This is one online porn palace Qaq is keeping in his personal bookmarks!  Highly recommended.

Look here, buddy--that fucker who bid almost $1 million for your soul was none other than Satan himself!  He hangs out at online auctions just waiting for someone to screw up big time--and believe you me he's got money to burn!

If it hadn't been for the spiritual intervention of someone working at eBAY (someone clearly moved by the Holy Ghost), you'd have ended up in a "demon box" of your own!!

Returning to the theme of lost virginity (see below), here we have true stories of how people from all walks of like got their virginity back without dangerous drugs or painful surgery.

And getting yours back is as easy as filling out an online form--in fact, it is an online form.  Why not do it now?  I just did!!

I don't really have any comments about this one--I guess it's sort of like worx.org  or flyinthesoup.com in a way (one part truth, ninety-nine parts urban legend).  Maybe it's not as inspiring though.

Will this Isis White Powder cause you to break out in the heeby-geebies or run naked into the night?  Although it is possible, we do not claim that it will.

[Or if "gold" is not your thing, then maybe you should try "silver"!]

Well, I must admit that sometimes I don't want to have to think about my "work"--I just want to complain.  And this is where I go to do it.

Qaq does too!  In fact, that's what he thought he was doing with his "Alterna" Weblog!

But these people have other ideas.

Again, Qaq has been asked to tip his hat to this whole "Abstinence" thing, so he's linking you straight into these moving testimonials.  It's sort of sad, though, if you think about it--this total "Michelle" (quoted above) had nothing better to give the world than something everything else has to offer!

But if she feels virginity is so important for happiness, maybe she should consider having this operation.  Of course, she could simply contribute her story to this site... or maybe she already has!

Qaq is assuming here that the whole "free speech/flag-burning" thing is really a non-issue for the people of Turkmenistan....

Qaq isn't stupid, nor is he going to contribute to the unmitigated cruelty and neglect our society heaps on fat women.

This site claims to be acting in the interests of helping fat women increase their self-esteem, but it treats their condition as if it were so embarrassing that only words like "voluptuous," "plus-size," and "full-figured" should be used to refer to it!

Qaq says, if deep down you really didn't think there were something wrong with being fat, you wouldn't need to hide behind such euphemisms as "ample," "pleasingly plump," "corpulent," "well fed," and the ever-popular "bountifully presenced."