1st Acid
Trip
Writing

Right, even I have no problem admitting that there aren't really 32 days in March.  But the fact is I just didn't think this cosmically connected wastoid ("I am in synch now and on my way!") deserved mention on a real day of the month.

GCBRO

Combating deeply embedded and long-standing biases in the literature relating to the geographical distribution of these non-existent creatures, the Gulf Coast BigFoot Research Organization brings the fantasy closer to home for a greater number of Americans.

[Note: This site is probably better viewed with a browser that doesn't support the "blink" tag.]

"I'd bet a
nickel to
a donut"

No real reason to include a link to this page.  I mean, I haven't the slightest idea what this weirdo is talking about (e.g., Jeffersonian democracy having been modeled on "Native American cultures").  I just wanted to find a site that had someone saying, "I'd bet a nickel to a donut."

Of course, no sane person even knows what that phrase means (or even should know), but I heard it once and wanted to see if it had been more than just a strange linguistic accident on the part of the person who'd used it in my presence oh so many years ago.  It would seem unfortunately that it had been no accident.

Size
Does
Matter

In this case, though, does it really?

Sure, Qaq can handle that pheasant hens may be more likely to mate with cocks possessing bigger spurs.  But he has lots of problems with the interpretation these lusty Swedes are putting forward regarding that apparent preference.

Underlying this whole sub-genre of ethological research is the idea of the "selfish" gene--that there is some sort of self-conscious intentional force directing the emergence of genotypes (and in this case linking two genotypes in an unproblematic relationship--never mind that it's just plain silly attributing to pheasant hens the ability to recognize such a "connection").  Maybe such is a good short-hand way to think metaphorically about the kinds of correlations these guys and others are finding, but it's not how evolution works.  Rather, it's just another example of the confusion of function and origin--here, the apparent function of the correlation between spur size and immune-system health is misread as arising in the service of some pre-existing intention or purpose of "selfish" genetics. 

It would be a lovely world indeed if that kind of apparent dippy-trippy genetic synchronicity actually existed for a reason, but Qaq fears that these Swedes are, like so many of their unfortunate colleagues, putting two and two together and coming up with five.

Cristina
Sánchez

What could be sexier than a female bull-fighter?  Not much in my book!  In the ring or in my arms, you "kill" me, Cristina!

Doberman
Wardog
Memorial

It's time for Qaq to take his "asshole hat" off for just one day and pay homage to man's best friend during peacetime... and war.  These noble dogs, now tastefully encased in bronze and mounted on their very own black-marble plinths, will bring a well-earned tear to the eyes of patriotic children and adults alike.

Am I
Addicted?

"Do you look at pornography or masturbate while driving?"

No, but thanks for the tip--anything that dangerous must be fun!

SilverSmiles

Ladies... worried that having to wear braces will make you unattractive?

Now there's no need to fear.  The "ortho-perverts" at SilverSmiles are there for you, and they may even want to take your picture for their porn gallery.

Fat and
Various
Demons

One may ask the question, "what gives the demons legal grounds to enter a person who uses an anti-perspirant?"

Now that's a poser!  And Qaq's not even going to try to give his loyal readers an answer.

Klingon
Language
Institute

When I first came upon this site, I headed straight for the FAQ hoping someone would be able to answer my one and only question about this whole "Klingon" issue: why bother learning a language that no normal person speaks?

Perhaps not surprisingly, the self-styled "trek-o-geeks" who run the KLI have provided no answer.  I wonder if they'd even understand the question....

Web
Economy
Bullshit
Generator

There have been some rumors drifting around in the higher circles of the Society that the Board is thinking of floating SATA on the stock market (more "dotcom" millionaires--just what the world needs!).  If they do (or should I say when they do), this is the site they'll be visiting to help send the value of their portfolios into the stratosphere.

Eva Braun

No, it's not what you're thinking.  It's "the best pop band in Yugoslavia."

And, no, Qaq can't read Serbo-Croatian, but the pictures of the band at Disneyland speak volumes in any language.

Peter
Plante

This half-man/half-plant has put together what is easily one of the most disturbing personal websites ever to come out of France... or maybe this is a new form of art therapy.  If Charles Manson can have a homepage, why not this guy?

Needful
Things

Some people "action" air-sickness bags whenever they get a chance--usually in public and almost invariably with impunity.  Others secretly collect them from every airline they travel on.  Some of these collectors then scan them in and post them to websites like this one.  Or even this one.

I've got to find some better sites to review.  This is getting really sad.

PoultryNet

What better way to wake up on a Saturday morning than knowing that the answers to virtually any question you may have about chickens and allied birds are just a few mouse clucks away?

Page 5

Page 3

The Weekly World News may have its "Page 5 Girl" but for obvious reasons Qaq prefers The Sun's "Page 3 Girl."

Find
A
Grave

No, I'm not psychic.  I'm just a regular visitor to the Find A Grave web database.

The
SFLA-
aE/
BS

The Star Fleet Ladies' Auxiliary and Embroidery/Baking Society.

My
Diaper
Web
Page

"Having grown up wearing diapers to bed ever since about age 10, I often dream about meeting a woman who is also into wearing diapers."

Well, well, well, they're really coming out of the woodwork this week.  I'm not even going to try to make sense out of this one, but I trust it will resonate with some of our very, very young readers at least.

Toy
Balloon
Heaven

"And then, when I was about eleven years old, something amazing happened. I had my very first orgasm. With a balloon."

I've actually taken the trouble to link you in straight to the "personal history" of this self-styled "paraphile."  I know there's an object lesson here somewhere, but I can't be bothered to find it at the moment.

The
Fantastic
Typing
Cyber-
Monkey

sid's fleas

Yesterday it was space aliens and abominable snowmen.  Today we have a typing monkey and a cat who needs your help.  'Nuff said.

STI Project

yeti@home

It would seem that the "distributed processing" model has really caught on.

Both of these organizations have noble aims.  I can't say that I know which one will end up succeeding in its mission first, but I'm sure they'll both win the hearts and clock cycles of millions of PC fanatics.

Mahir the
Mad Turk

"Who is want to come TURKEY  I can invitate .....
She can stay my home ........"

Man, it looks like pomo poetry and reads like pidgin innuendo.  With nearly 3 million hits on this site, maybe this total geek's actually scored once or twice... no, on second thought, he probably hasn't.

Last
Meals on
Death
Row

Easily the most disturbing site Qaq's seen in donkey's years.  Minus 50 to the state of Texas for major taste issues here.

But it could be that you're planning a "friends and family" picnic for St. Patrick's Day and are having a hard time coming up with serving suggestions.  If so, don't worry--there are some pretty good ideas buried on this otherwise rather moribund page.

Pick-up
Lines

"Scientifically proven" sex sprays (see below) and "dork-proof" pick-up lines... when you're name is Qaq and you've got a million-dollar face like mine, you don't need either of them.

But for all you losers out there who are desperately in search of new pick-up lines that you hope will stand where your old ones have fallen--lines like "I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?" and "Hey Baby!  I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!"--this site is clearly worth a little of your time.

Stop the
Killing!

I remember a while back (last month) slamming the SATA Member Re-Uze Me for his mind-bogglingly stupid "ENVIRO" Page.  But at least he never descends into this kind of blatantly inflammatory name-calling and pompous, self-congratulatory foaming at the mouth.  It's twee little martinets like this anonymous pulpit-humping goon that give the anti-vegan movement a bad name.

Sex
Spray

"Invisible and undetectable when unknowingly inhaled by any adult, Androstenone Pheromone Concentrate unblocks all restraints and releases their raw animal sex drive!"

I don't make a habit of plugging products, but you'll understand why this one caught my interest.  No, it's not that I need to secretly drug women to get them to sleep with me.  (Besides, we all know that that's illegal, and that's certainly not what the makers of Androstenone Pheromone Concentrate intend to imply in their advertisements.)

No, the reason this site caught my eye is simple: their spokesmodel is one damn fine snow babe!

Bay Area
Bug
Eating
Society

I don't know about you, but I believe bugs are for stamping on and leaving there all crushed and dead on the sidewalk for other bugs to eat.  They're also good, honest targets for household sprays like Raid or industrial-strength pesticides like Paraquat.  These people disagree.

But to me there's just something deeply unnatural about the whole idea behind "Stir Fried Cricket Curry Over Rice" (one of the recipes from their site)... and not just for us people, but for the bugs too.  I mean, it's supposed to be the other way around: they're supposed to be the ones who eat us (after, of course, we are happily pushing up daisies down at the local cemetery). 

Work
Well
with
Others

Unless you think you can find something terribly profound in this site's "message" (I can't), wait around for tomorrow's link to enjoy that oh-so-lovely feeling of being momentarily overawed at the creativity of others.  The author of "Work Well with Others" has clearly spent a great deal of time and effort for very little payback in terms of comic effect.

For those of you thinking of trying this little experiment at home, don't bother--you'll need a lot more flies than you can fit on the matchstick plane to achieve lift off.  And by the time you get enough flies on it, some of the first ones you stuck on will have died, and those that haven't will be too intoxicated from the glue fumes to be of much use.

Beat a
Seal

To put it bluntly, it's the same seal being beaten over and over again.  Talk about a waste of time! 

How to
make your
own RF
Shielding
Cape

Babies
for sale