| Date |
|
Qaq's
Commentary |
| 2000-02-29 |
Prehistoric
Dogs
|
There's
something about the concept behind this one that just makes me laugh.
I've linked in straight to Frimpo inca, but there are some
other nifty prehistoric dogs detailed on other pages of this mellow
site. |
| 2000-02-28 |
The
Museum
of Dirt
|
Mildly
humorous is the "Rejects" section. Otherwise, this
is a truly tedious and silly site. Like Lip Balm Anonymous (reviewed
earlier), this is a pretty lame "one trick pony" web-wank
where not much of interest really happens. The fact that it's
received so many "awards" and "distinctions" I
find frankly fucking terrifying. |
| 2000-02-27 |
The
Rebel's
Yell
|
Let's
turn our attentions now to a site with a decidedly libertarian bent.
Here is a man with many unusual interests (including, for example,
nudism) and things to say (about, for instance, blacks keeping whites
as slaves in the antebellum South). From the intro to this section
of his mega-site, I'm led to conclude that he is a bit of a flag fetishist
(recalling our earlier concern with "objectùm-sexuality").
That is, it seems he'll fly any flag he can get his hands on, and
we all know what that means!
Qaq Fact #291:
"The Renaissance Man of today publishes straight to the web!"
|
| 2000-02-26 |
The
Online
Pregnancy
Test
|
I
don't know if pregnancy is a problem faced by those enamored of "objectùm-sexuality"
(see below), but for all you randy and not overly cautious females
out there this could be the "morning after" website for
you. |
| 2000-02-25 |
License
Plates of the
World
|
Keeping
on the topic of "objectùm-sexuality" (see below), we now
move to by far the most interesting "know your license plate"
site on the web. |
| 2000-02-24 |
Stocksville
|
Just
when you thought it was safe to come out of hiding, Qaq brings you
another pervy fetish site. This time it's things like stocks
and pillories that turn these mild-mannered secretaries and perky
young professionals into feather-wielding, whip-cracking nympho-lesbos.
Don't worry--there's no XXX stuff here, but some of it's definitely
NC-17.
Well, I'll leave
you to find this one--it's at
https://web.archive.org/web/20000511211809/http://fetish.sexhound.net/pillory/index2.htm
if you want
to have a go (try typing it into your address bar). I tried
to link to it directly, but when I had this page uploaded the link
re-directed to a porn advertisement. Not that I have anything
against porn (far from it!); it's just that I don't like my recommended
links being re-directed!!
|
| 2000-02-23 |
Girlfriend
Stealer's
HomePage
|
Okay,
I admit it. That olestra recommendation (below) was pretty lame.
Today's site is just a little bit more on track. In fact, I've
been saving this one for a rainy day. You see, other than the
fact that I think it gets boring very quickly and is in desperate
need of more content, it's a good site--a good idea waiting to become
a major internet portal. |
| 2000-02-22 |
How
does
Olean work?
|
Let's
face it: olestra is yet another miracle of modern food science.
Like aspartame, it tricks our senses into thinking we're consuming
something we are not. And like any good laxative, it can strip
us of that control over our bowels we fought so long and hard to achieve
as toddlers. |
| 2000-02-21 |
Madame
Guillotine -
Objectùm-
Sexuals and
other sexual
minorities
|
The
wonders of human sexuality--its inherent plasticity, its alluring
transformations, its surprising manifestations--never cease to amaze
me. At first (I blush to admit it) I thought there was something
really downright pervy about this woman's attraction to guillotines--an
attraction that apparently has led to her betrothal to "Fressie,"
a particularly fine example of a sexual "objectùm."
For those of
you who still don't get it (and there are bound to be a few of you
out there), just think of "objectùm-sexuality" as phone
sex--only without someone at the other end of the line.
|
| 2000-02-20 |
uk.rec.sheds
|
Now
in what sort of newsgroup would you expect to find people exchanging
a whole range of touching and inventive alliterative insults (such
as, and I quote, "May gargantuan godwits and grotesque goats
gobsmack your grandmother with gigabytes of garbled gobbledy-gook")?
The answer is this one.
It would appear
that, having devised a newsgroup organized around a subject that
no one could possibly be interested in, these charming young men
trapped in their garden sheds with only their computers to keep
them company have simply lost their minds. Qaq's "fifty
dollar" suggestion for immediate improvement: lots and
lots of porn.
|
| 2000-02-19 |
Punch
Captain Kirk
|
You
know, I never knew that that wooden nickel who played Captain Kirk
(off that lamer-than-lame TV-show from the fifties called "Space
1999") was wearing a wig. Maybe I wasn't paying enough
attention (or any attention--can you blame me?).
Not that I ever
really cared, but you can imagine what a shock it was for me when
I punched him and... well... you check it out! This site also
has therapeutic links to other people you can punch in the face.
|
| 2000-02-18 |
Dave
Lasher's
Deep Maine
Bog
|
Well
well well, another tragic case of demon-possession, or so it would
seem. Actually, this bozo is nowhere near as scary or as clearly
insane as SATA's own dear Mould
Phuster.
Far be it for
me to try to put anyone off devil-worship, but don't you think these
guys are both in need of some serious counseling? Or at least
an extended vacation in a really good brothel?
|
| 2000-02-17 |
Dubbinternet
|
Clearly
this Dubbin stuff is just as addictive as lip balm. I've never
seen it here in Arizona, and I hope I never do. It's probably
one of the main reasons people in Europe are so decadent (no offense
meant to Euro-SATA Members, who of course Abstain from decadence,
or whatever you people want to hear me say so you won't complain).
However, the
"Celebrity Dubbin Fans" section made me laugh several
times, so I'm not going to slam this guy for wasting precious internet
bandwidth with yet another precious little parody site.
|
| 2000-02-16 |
Lip
Balm
Anonymous
|
I've
always had my suspicions about my "need" for Chap Stick.
Now I know why. I've been suffering from a serious addiction
to one member of a seriously addictive family of over-the-counter
"health" products.
At least someone's
woken up to this nationwide problem... or maybe this "Kevin"
guy's just a one-joke-wonder with way too much time
on his hands.
|
| 2000-02-15 |
Go
Ahead...
|
Leaving
the toilet humor behind, we find ourselves gun-in-hand-ready to face
the world of mass culture.
Monica's here
too--fresh from that game of presidential dodge-ball we met her
at a few days below.
|
| 2000-02-14 |
How
to Toilet
Train Your
Cat
How
to Pee
Standing Up
|
Why
why why!!
No, but seriously,
I don't know which one of these two sites is stranger... or
crueler. Why don't you check them out and give me
your opinion?
|
| 2000-02-13 |
About
Mike
|
Desperate
to get my "blogging" over with today, I snuck a peak at
somebody else's weblog for a site to review.
To my uncontainable
astonishment, I was glad I did. You see, all day long I've
had this desire--this hankering--to be disturbed.
And luckily there's something about headless chickens continuing
to lead healthy and normal lives that really disturbs me.
|
| 2000-02-12 |
Can
you have
an orgasm and
not know it?
|
You'll
forgive me if I tell you that the title of this page more than piqued
my interest. I have to admit, I assumed at first (as any normal
man would) that it must be some sort of a joke.
Then I realized
(after a quick scan) that it was referring to women. I thought,
oh, that explains it! Then I caught myself (you know, being
sexist again) and duly read on. Were you aware
that a woman's experience of the dirty deed can be divided into
five distinct phases? It's true: Desire, Excitement,
Plateau, Orgasm and Resolution.
Or "DEPOR"
for short--so that's what my date last night kept yelling out when
we were having at it. And here I was thinking she was just
trying to encourage me.
|
| 2000-02-11 |
Involuntary
Celibacy
Questionnaire
|
I'm
very thankful for the exceedingly long rope I've been given by the
SATA Board in putting together my "Alterna" Weblog.
Because I don't want to totally offend them, I'm putting in this absolutely
torpid piece of effete pseudo-intellectual masturbation dreamed up
by a bunch of perverts at some school somewhere I've never heard of.
If you can make
it to the end of the "Involuntary Celibacy Questionnaire"
without weeping, then you deserve a long, hot fuck with a beautiful
stranger you'll never have to see again. Tell 'em Qaq said
it was okay!
|
| 2000-02-10 |
Cum
on
Monica
|
Why
won't people just leave Monica alone? I mean, that's all she
ever wanted anyway. [Top SATA Member "On My Honor"
Score: 56% by Birtch Weazull--if you beat it, get in touch!] |
| 2000-02-09 |
Stone
the
Whore
|
How
come every time I type "Kate Moss naked" in Alta Vista or
Lycos I end up visiting a site like this? No, wait a second--that's
something else--just promises promises promises unless I'm willing
to fork over some cash for it (which I'm not... at least not yet...).
No, the site
I'm reviewing today has nothing to do with Kate Moss (that I know
of).
When I first
received this link from another SATA Member, I thought the last
thing I'd want to do is get a whore stoned. I mean, they already
cost too much as it is without having to share your whack with them!
You can imagine
how great my relief was when I actually visited the site and found
out it was just... well... you visit it for yourself!
|
| 2000-02-08 |
Maxim
|
I've
tried to "SCORE WITH..." Courtney about seven times so far
today (spending a total of three hours chatting away with her), but
I just can't seem to get anywhere. Maybe it's just me, but I'm
starting to think that that isn't a webcam I'm seeing her through.... |
| 2000-02-07 |
FAQ
for
Alaska's
Original Poop
Moose
|
Before
I visited this site, I'd always been a little unclear as to exactly
where M&M's® came from--now I know.
The spunkhead
flogging this "conversation piece" deserves to be as rich
as Bill Gates by next Tuesday at the latest.
|
| 2000-02-06 |
Mould
Phuster's
Demon Box
|
What's
this guy's problem! Does he really
think we're going to believe he's possessed by a Devil who made
"first contact" over the phone?!! And what
in the world was the "unfortunate" event/occurrence that
supposedly cast half of Hell into "demon boxes"?!!
(One more thing: is that MIDI background track what I think it is?!!) |
| 2000-02-05 |
"Why
I Swim
with Sharks"
by Sex Sex |
Besides
the obvious question of why anyone would want to "swim
with sharks" (she certainly doesn't answer that imponderable
to my satisfaction!), I only have one thing to ask Sex
Sex: are you still alive? Richard Thomas (a non-SATA Member,
BTW) keeps calling in asking about you. |
| 2000-02-04 |
Re-Uze
Me's
"ENVIRO"
Page |
I
don't know about you, but I think this "ENVIRO" freak is
an unmitigated twat! Of course "smoking kills tobacco
plants"... so fucking what!! |
| 2000-02-03 |
Sickie's
D&D
Confession |
My
third day on the job and I'm already bored bored bored!! You'd be
too if the first thing you were asked to do this morning was to write
something about a mega-weirdo with a remarkably apt cyber-handle.
"Sickie" tells us in this Confession that he's only just
escaped--with the aid of a comic book, no less--being "sucked
up" forever by a herd of D&D-playing witches!! |
| 2000-02-02 |
resource_
kid's web
archive |
But
nothing could keep me from saying bad things about the SATA Member
Links that are right "below" my own page on the Menu to
the left of your screen. I mean, why should I hold back when
they're all so fucking pathetic?
If you're anything
like me, you're wondering how such absolute wank could even get
on the SATA site. But you know, they really do vet these things.
Take the case
of some dipshit named Spitboy who didn't get his website
into the Member Links section. His homepage (find it if you
can--you ain't getting the link from me!) is called "Spitboy's
Grift Days". And in his blatantly self-promotional email
to X-Rom, he claimed his site was "a warmly inspiring and surprising
lyrical treatise dedicated to the remarkable art of grifting".
Yeah, like I want to look at that!
Well, one equally
"interesting" site that did make
it past the censor (don't ask me how!) is this resource_kid thing.
I mean, so what! Those "Phil Saunders" letters are
of no use to anyone! They were written so long ago that most
of the people he wrote to are either dead or Dan Quayle!!
|
| 2000-02-01 |
The
Society
for the
Attainment
of Total
Abstinence |
Of
course any good "Alterna" weblog should start with a fair
and unbiased appraisal of itself... or at least its host. But
I'd have to be pretty damn stupid to say something bad about SATA.
After all, the total pricks who run it might decide to shut my little
weblog down... and that's something none of us wants! |
