Official Minutes (1995-1997) TAS of Penn

March 22, 1995 || September 12, 1995 || November 1, 1995 || January 15, 1996 || March 8, 1996 || May 24, 1996 || September 6, 1996 || November 16, 1996 || January 29, 1997

March 22, 1995

Back to the Start

1. Sara N. returned from her trip to Iceland to visit her brother Roger N. who is the head of the Reykjavik chapter of the Society. She told us how things are heating up as they're cooling down up north.
2. Henry H. let us in on what he learned about pressure points and noncorrosive poisons at that clinic in Budapest. He showed slides and initiated an audience participation exercise.
3. Emma G. told us how she helped keep her county, Brown County, Texas, dry. She related how she organized a diverse coalition of several religious groups and the owners of a number of liquor stores along the Brown County line to halt the recent moves to take away Brown's dry status. Way to go, Emma!
4. The Committee displayed postcards Frank L. sent from his recent trip to Mount Dixon among other things.
5. Magga T. enlightened us on the long-misunderstood practice of immobilized sleeping. Michael F. brought in examples of binding materials and separation devices to help her with her demonstration and give us an idea of how we too might reach that goal of 24-hour abstinence.
6. It was determined that the next full meeting of the TAS of Penn will be held September 12, 1995 at TAS HQ.

September 12, 1995

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1. "Disparaged through the ages as 'beautiful' and 'aesthetically pleasing', cut flowers are now calling out to be free from the chains that bind them (and us all)," said Hedda F. to introduce the panel discussion on "Cut Flowers - Pretty Victims" (Misha S., moderator). Hedda also announced her plan to organize the annual TAS industry picket around this burning issue - this year's target: the florists at HUP and in Houston Hall. Dates and methods yet to be decided.
2. Joe S. gave us a rundown of Philadelphia's trouble spots such as the red light district, the many blue movie rental stores, the off color book stores, etc. (Just the places you don't want to find yourself in without a handful of leaflets and a touch of evangelical fire!)
3. Speaking of evangelical fire, Joyce M. went to New Orleans over the summer break and passed out copies of leaflet #21 ("Sheep into the Fold") on Bourbon Street! She gave a moving report of her mission that was not without its lighter moments.
4. Roger N. from our Reykjavik chapter gave a talk entitled "Jlaupa af ser hornin: hverju skiptir pad?" (Sorry, Roger, we've had to compromise here on the Icelandic characters! Also, sorry to the audience: this is the fourth time this year we've had to sit through a talk that no one understood! Still, the spirit of his words moved many to deep contemplation.)
5. Velda C. circulated a copy of her social work thesis "The Myth of the Happy Individual: Correcting a Phallacy of Hegemonic Encriptification" with a note to the effect that she would greatly appreciate "any (de)constructive criticism".
6. Jim H. told of his plan to lead a group of protestors at the dog track sometime in the coming months. He wants people to bring their own dogs so long as they're not of the racing variety to the rally as a sign of something or other. Anyway, he promised to fix a date by our next meeting.
7. It was determined that the next full meeting of the TAS of Penn will be held November 1, 1995 at TAS HQ.

November 1, 1995

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1. Marguerite L. presented an award-winning essay she originally gave at the TAS convention picnic in Spitsbergen last January. The Title? "Flogging a Dead War-Horse: Impure Metaphor and Tainted Allusion in the Livre de Melibee et de Dame Prudence". (Sorry, Marguerite, we've had to compromise here on the French characters!)
2. Harper D. shared his vision of a "world united in total abstinence" in an expertly coreographed puppet show. Hedda F. provided the lighting for the otherwise silent, four-hour presentation.
3. Jerome von R. reported back to us on his progress in setting up a frisbee-making factory in Mauritania using the "Body Shop" business philosophy. Slides were shown and free sample products distributed. He also gave us some tips on how to "nativize" concerns for abstinence within the "trade not aid" framework.
4. Mirabella V. passed out a list of professors here at Penn who might fall below 85% on the purity test for academics she devised in conjunction with the TAS Central Monitoring Committee.
5. David A. distributed copies of his petition to end the Penn-supported serving of alcohol at all non-fundraising events. He also expressed his desire to gather a group of demonstrators to protest against the smokers in front of the U. of Penn Hospital's Spruce Street entrances on account of their polluting the air we all have to breathe.
6. Peter B. brought us up to date on his campaign to expunge everything evil from the Penn collective consciousness. Apparently he's been having some definite unqualified successes in certain unspecified areas and with particular undesignated persons and/or groups.
7. It was determined that the next full meeting of the TAS of Penn will be held January 15, 1996 at TAS HQ.

January 15, 1996

Back to the Start

1. Harper D. shared an encore performance of his expertly coreographed puppet show detailing his vision of a "world united in total abstinence". Hedda F. was again at the lighting helm. At two of the five intermissions, in addition to the herbal tea, decaf coffee and mineral water usually served, there was (for those wanting something stronger!) some leftover non-alcoholic eggnog. Sara N. expressed concern that such a jocular drink should be served during such a serious puppet show.
2. Velda C. announced that she'll be receiving her M.A. from the School of Social Work this semester and has taken a job as a junior lobbyist in Washington for the Pet Food Industry. Way to go, Velda!
3. Elections for the 1996-97 academic year were held. The TAS officers for next year are: Harper D., President; Peter B., Co-President; Mary McD., Vice-President; Misha S., Treasurer; and Yours T., Secretary.
4. Finally, it was announced that the deadline for the payment of fines for the 1995-96 academic year will be May 15, 1996 (July 15, 1996 for non-graduating members). Payment of TAS fees for the 1996-97 academic year should be sent in as soon as possible so we can put some of the great ideas we have swimming around in our heads for next year into action!
5. It was determined that the next full meeting of the TAS of Penn will be held March 8, 1996 at TAS HQ.

March 8, 1996

Back to the Start

1. After welcoming in thirty-seven new and prospective members, we outlined the plans for the near future: first, there will be a party to be held sometime during the semester in the Smith-Penniman Room, Houston Hall; second, there will be a holiday raffle to earn money in order to produce a tv commercial for our chapter of TAS; third, there will be a demonstration/recruitment session targeting the patrons of the various fast-food restaurants in Houston Hall's basement; and, fourth, there will be auditions held for the TAS production of "Everyman".
2. It was announced that for the party to be held in Smith-Penniman we would be needing volunteers to organize refreshments, literature distribution, advertisements, and money collecting at the door ($15/person is the tentative figure: any ideas?).
3. The holiday raffle prize will be a luxury weekend trip for two to Mount Dixon (binding materials and separation devices donated by Michael F.) along with 25 stamps for postcards. With the money earned from the raffle, we hope to have a tv commercial produced and aired by next spring (content/theme of commercial yet to be determined).
4. Between 11 am and 2 pm one weekday this semester, we will be forming an abstinence chain/barricade in the basement of Houston Hall to block student access to all the fast-food restaurants down there (purpose of protest yet to be determined). This will also afford us the opportunity to recruit some new members, so don't miss this one!
5. Mimes wanted! Harper D. has re-written the medieval morality play "Everyman" to resonate more meaningfully with the TAS outlook. Auditions for this all-silent experiment in "event" theater will be held in September.
6. The TAS Central Monitoring Committee presented the letter of encouragement they received from Senator Exon. The letter will be on display in TAS HQ for the next few months. Authenticated photocopies suitable for framing are available for $2.50 each or $4.99 for two (that's not a typo--buy two and save!).
7. It was determined that the next full meeting of the TAS of Penn will be held May 24, 1996 at TAS HQ.

May 24, 1996

Back to the Start

1. A small but organized group of TAS members presented a formal statement in which they expressed concern that some of the people attending the upcoming TAS party (June 13 - mark your calendars!) might become unruly if improperly monitored. Misha S. came to the rescue by suggesting that the punch be augmented with "significant amounts" of Ritalin as a precautionary measure.
2. It was proposed by Ella W. that the TAS of Penn should have its own webpage on the World Wide Web. A vote was held, the results of which were overwhelmingly in favor of Ella's suggestion. The three themes put forward were: "Take Back the Web", "Take Back the Internet", and "Take Back Cyberspace". Misha S. will organize a committee to decide which of these three is the most appropriate for TAS's webpage.
3. Eighty-five holiday raffle tickets have been sold so far. There are still more than five hundred left before we break even, so get out there and sell some tickets!
4. Jerome von R. delivered the following statement: "Following on the heels of my earlier success in developing the Mauritanian frisbee industry, I have moved west to Martinique to open a Mardi Gras coin factory. These coins will be designed and produced in accordance with the wishes of our clients, but we will insist on putting TAS's motto '... cetera desunt ...' and the TAS Helpline phone number around the edge of each coin we make in order that our cause should not be forgotten - especially on a day like Mardi Gras."
5. Jean-Paul N. will chair the newly created TAS Business Monitoring Committee, whose goal it will be to poll and rank local businesses on their commitment to total abstinence. Printed results of this year's investigations will be made available for sale no later than June 1, 1996.
6. It was determined that the next full meeting of the TAS of Penn will be held September 6, 1996 at TAS HQ.

September 6, 1996

Back to the Start

1. Harper D. proposed that the upcoming year's theme for the annual TAS industrial picket be "Hospices - Factories of Death". Near-unanimous support was declared by nearly all present. The plan: ambulance traffic will be monitored in order to determine when an area hospice resident who has died is scheduled to be transported. Volunteers will be needed for a "rapid reaction" team of protestors that can be on the spot in minutes to block the ambulance crew's access to the recently deceased.
2. We have contracted to have the TAS World Wide Web site designed to our specifications for the sum of $1,850. In order for the Society to be able to absorb this cost, the plans for a TAS TV commercial have been postponed indefinitely.
3. Joshua N. announced that he will distribute the TAS petition to have 1,198,463 (so far!) books of "questionable merit" removed from the University's libraries. Anyone signing the petition is welcome to add to the list, but note that each person adding a book must give a 150-word summary of why it should be removed. In keeping with TAS's total commitment to our environment, we will be recommending that all removed books be recycled post-haste!
4. Michael T., world-renowned author of Castration Rituals of the Aluku: A Harrowing Personal Account and TAS pioneer member, signed first-edition copies of his latest blockbuster Build Your Own Garden Gnome Family.
5. To round out the meeting, Joshua N. read several verses from the expurgated version of Ezra Pound's Cantos.
6. It was determined that the next full meeting of the TAS of Penn will be held November 19, 1996 at TAS HQ.

November 19, 1996

Back to the Start

1. Fines in excess of $2400 were collected from 23 TAS members; 7 members were officially expelled for failure to pay after two warnings. Alex D. unveiled the new fine structure for the 1996-97 academic year: in addition to a 20% increase in fines across the board, the list of acts punishable by fines has been augmented considerably "to keep abreast of the times". The updated list is available for a non-refundable donation of $5.95 at TAS HQ.
2. Essay Contest! Just how will TAS meet the challenges of the new millenium? That's the question on everyone's mind, and now you have a chance to tell the world how you would build that TAS bridge to the 21st Century!
3. It was determined that the next full meeting of the TAS of Penn will be held January 29, 1997 at TAS HQ.

January 29, 1997

Back to the Start

1. Sara N. presented her essay on "Building A Bridge of Abstinence to the Next Millenium" in which she argued convincingly that the TAS of Penn should meet the challenges of the coming twenty-first century by disbanding as soon as possible.
2. A vote was taken, and it was decided by a 94% majority that, effective immediately, the Total Abstinence Society of Penn be disbanded.
3. I guess the words of Sara N. express how I feel better than I can myself:

   "Let us show the world that we are dedicated--really dedicated--to abstinence in all areas of our lives, including in our relationships to 'social' organizations like TAS. Let us join together one last time to lead the world by our example.... Let us join together to put true abstinence into practice... Let us join together to vow never to seek each other's company ever again!"

   Thanks for the inspiring words, Sara N., and thanks to everyone at the TAS of Penn for all the good times! --Yours T.

4. It was determined that the next full meeting of the TAS of Penn will not be held.

CeTeRa DeSuNt

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